April 17, 2012

I Am Who I Am In GOD.....and I AM OK With That!

The other day while I was on Facebook I came across a link for this blog post: http://powerofmoms.com/2012/04/your-children-want-you/ which is a VERY good post and definitely something I needed to read. The irony of it is that just reading it made me do some of the things she talks about that we as moms shouldn't do! I immediately began to think about the fact that I am NOT that mom/woman who blogs about things daily, weekly, or even monthly for that fact. I do learn important spiritual lessons regularly, but I do not write them down for other women/moms to learn from. I always have good intentions to write them down, but it doesn't happen. I spend a lot of time during my day praying silently for my children and cleaning up messes. I am a very organized person and it is very difficult for me to find this when I walk into my boys' room:
  Instead of this: 
I have come to understand that not everyone in my house thinks neatness and organization are as important as I do. The fact that I even allow them to keep their things after I find them where they don't belong is a blessing for them in my mind! Even if I spent the money on all of those bins, the boys (Jacob) wouldn't use them! I hear the voice in my head asking, "What have I done wrong? Where did I fail in teaching them these basic skills? Why can't I impart to them the importance of neatness?"  In actuality I have done nothing wrong. I HAVE taught them these things. It is their choice to implement what I have taught them. So then I ask, "Why won't they make good choices? Is that my fault too?" Oh, it is a never ending cycle for moms! We beat ourselves up over every little thing. 
I used to watch 19 Kids and Counting randomly. I had to stop because I was constantly comparing myself to the ever-calm Michelle. I wondered why I couldn't stay as calm as she did--and I only have 4 kids!!

I kept telling myself I wasn't spiritual enough. I wasn't praying enough. I must not love my kids as much as she loves hers if mine irritate me so quickly. I was quick to tell myself I was a failure as a parent for not being more like her. Then I realized......GOD didn't make me like her for a reason. HE wanted me to be Caci--not Michelle. I have other strengths that she may wish she had. My personality is not like hers....that is for sure! And that is OK!  My desire is the same....to raise GODLY children in this ungodly world. To teach my kids morals and spiritual truths. To walk with GOD every day. To teach others about GOD and HIS love for them.  I just do it in a different manner. I Corinthians 12:14 tells us "For the body is not one member, but many." And verses 17-18 tell us "If the whole body were an eye, where would the hearing be? If the whole were hearing, where would the sense of smell be? But now GOD has placed the members, each one of them, in the body, just as HE desired." We are all different, and we are all used in different ways--not just in the church (building), but in our homes as well. After all, WE are still the church when we go home. We are not the same for a reason! What we, as Christians, need to understand and believe is that GOD has placed us just as HE desired. That makes us perfectly placed!
I do NOT separate whites 

 and colored laundry. If it comes to the washing machine, it gets washed! I have never heard my kids complain that I didn't wash their clothes correctly! They are just happy they get washed! 
I recently overheard a mom say, "When my youngest son graduates high school I will have fixed breakfast every morning for 32 years." I immediately started beating myself up. Why? I DON'T FIX BREAKFAST! Well, that's not true. I fix breakfast on Saturdays. And SOME weekday mornings. I am just NOT that mom! Do my kids lack nutrition because I don't cook bacon, eggs, waffles, pancakes or such every morning? Nope. They do just fine on cereal, a bagel or toast. They don't even complain. So why was I beating myself up over it? I always think that I could or should be better than I am.
While it is ok to strive to be better in what we do or who we are, it is also ok to accept that there are some things about ourselves that just aren't going to change. When I get to heaven, GOD isn't going to ask me why I didn't cook breakfast for my kids every day of their childhood! Seriously, HE isn't! In the broad scheme of things, the battles that we choose to fight within ourselves aren't the ones that really matter. What matters is what we do to advance the kingdom of GOD. 
I know that I fail GOD every day. I know that GOD never fails me!!!! I need to take the time to focus more on how I can be closer to HIM than how I can be more like some woman on Pinterest or TV that I don't even know!! I need to want to know GOD more! I need to teach my kids about GOD more. I want them to know that HE is ever faithful, never failing, full of love, compassion and grace. I want HIS love for them to reflect off of me so that when they look at me they see HIM. Those are the things I strive for on a daily basis while the clothes pile up on the floors in the rooms and the laundry baskets remain empty. 

1 comment:

Janette said...

Love this!!! :)