February 7, 2017


18 years ago Cole was 6 months old and I found out I was pregnant with our second child. Ben and I were excited about having another child because we knew we wanted our children to be close together, but GOD had different plans than what we thought. At our 8 week sono we found out we lost our baby, and we found our peace in GOD and our joy in the baby that we already had. We knew that in a couple of months we could start trying to have another baby again, but even as that time approached I felt trepidation about what the outcome might be. We were blessed to get pregnant within the first month of trying, and we found ourselves hiding the news of our new pregnancy as we celebrated Cole's 1st birthday. I was due April 1, 2000 and I was so very excited, but I didn't want to tell anyone until I had heard the baby's heartbeat.
When I was about 20 weeks along I still had not gained any weight, and it seemed like a normal pregnancy, but over the next 7 weeks my belly grew to be 58 cm in measurement, and I couldn't fit into any of my maternity clothes. I knew I was WAY.TOO.BIG! The doctor did an ultrasound and concluded I had polyhydramnios which is a very rare condition in  which my body made excessive amniotic fluid. I had a very severe case of it, too. I was admitted into LSUMC at the beginning of the millennium. The doctors did an ultrasound when I arrived at LSUMC in Shreveport, and during the ultrasound I was told that my baby had Down's Syndrome. We knew that the main causes for polyhydramnios were because the baby would have hydrocephalus, spina bifada, or Down's Syndrome. It didn't matter to us though because we were going to have our baby no matter what. One of the doctor's had suggested that we wait for test results that would let us know if anything was wrong with our baby so we could decide whether or not we wanted to terminate the pregnancy. It still makes me tear up to remember that conversation.
GOD had allowed us to lose one baby in the past year, and now I was faced with doctors asking me if I wanted to CHOOSE not to have this one! I remember Ben telling them to get out of my room. He was in agreement with me that no matter what we were going to have our baby.
The first night I was in the hospital the doctors told me that if they couldn't stop my labor that my baby would be born early and would probably die. They also told me that if they tried to stop my labor by draining some of the amniotic fluid my baby could die--and it would be dangerous for me. I was left laying and crying uncontrollably in a hospital bed trying to decide what the best choice would be for both me and my baby. I had never had to make a more difficult choice in my life. My mind was swamped with "what if's?"
What if I choose to have the fluid drained so I can breathe easier, but it causes me to lose my baby? What if I don't have the fluid drained and my contractions don't stop? What if my baby is born tonight and doesn't live because of a decision I made?
It is hard to be a mother. It is draining to believe that you really have the power to change what could or would be. I had to stop giving myself so much credit and remember that GOD is so much bigger than I am or any decision I could make. I had to remember that I was walking WITH HIM, not asking HIM to walk with me. There is a big difference. I prayed a lot, and the HOLY SPIRIT spoke to me and reminded me that HE had (and always has) great plans for me---even if they weren't the plans that I had expected. I had to trust that no matter what happened, GOD would still be GOD. HE would still be on HIS throne when it was all said and done. He would still love me, and HE would carry me through anything that happened. HE would still be my ROCK and my REFUGE. I then chose to have the fluid drained, and they took 3 liters of amniotic fluid from me that night. The labor stopped and everything was fine.

After being in the hospital for 6 weeks, I went into labor on the night of Feb. 6, 2000, and it was clear that it could not be stopped, so on Monday morning the doctors came in to prep me for a C-Section (just in case). I waited for Ben to get to the hospital so I would not be alone. I laid in the bed and rested for several hours after they broke my water. Then I heard Jacob's heartbeat on the monitor slow down considerably. It was about 12:45 pm. The doctor's rushed in, saw that I was hemorrhaging, and Jacob was in distress, so they rushed me to the emergency room. I cried the whole way in there and just sang "Hold Me JESUS" as we went, and I was shaking uncontrollably. I remember the doctor looking into my eyes as we walked down the hall. He said, "Your baby is going to be fine. You are going to be fine. You have been here so long, and I am not going to let anything happen to you." His words were comforting to me. I believed him. Ben did get to come into the delivery room with me.
 At 1:04 a HEALTHY baby boy was born weighing in at 6 lbs 7 oz....HUGE for a 33 week old!!! He is our miracle baby.  GOD IS AMAZING! GOD takes our broken pieces and turns them into beautiful pieces of clay that HE can mold and use.
I LOVE that the doctors were wrong about you, Jacob, with pretty much everything they "predicted", but mostly that you wouldn't live. Together you and GOD proved them wrong, and you were a healthy 6 lb 7 oz baby born at 33 weeks. I will never forget the first time I saw you. You are still as important to me now as you were then. I love the way you laugh, tell jokes, breathe louder than anyone around you, slap your flat feet on the floor when you walk, sleep bent in half while sitting indian style (seriously this is the most flexible kid I've ever seen), have a head bigger than most any adult, can take apart and put back together anything, never get lost, have a servant's heart, and are independent. I know you struggle, and I pray for you every day. You are my Jacob Aaron, and I hope you have a wonderful day today baby boy!! Happy 17th Birthday!!


February 6, 2017


At the risk of ostracizing myself because I am probably the only person on the planet that didn't think the half-time show was UH-MA-ZING, I am going to list why I feel so differently than the masses of people that surround me. I also want to remind you all that I don't like fudge, canned chili, or....wait for it.....Cheez-Its. I say this to remind you that my opinion is just that....my opinion. And I am entitled to it just like you are entitled to yours. You can decide you hate me because I feel differently than you, but is that really mature? I don't hate you because of how you feel about the way Lady Gaga paraded around on the stage in less than modest clothing setting an unfavorable example for all of our young daughters. So, here it is.....

1. I didn't really care for the way she put her leg up on the piano stool opening up her crotch in a tasteless way while she belted out the words to some less than mediocre song.....or any of the other "dance moves" that had her opening her legs up over and over. I have young sons that don't need to be "flashed" in this sort of way by any female. I mean REALLY? Is that AWESOME ENTERTAINMENT???? Since when did entertainment become so tasteless?

2. Her choice of wardrobe was less than appealing. Half a shirt with some booty shorts??? When a  4 year old says, "She needs to get dressed" that should tell you something.  I understand that's what is "in", but I've never been one for doing what's "in" if it goes against my beliefs and convictions. Parading around on stage for everyone to see in clothes that are not modest when you have the opportunity to influence so many young girls in a positive way just makes me angry and sad all at the same time. What about that glorifies GOD? Nothing.  Now, I know that some would say, "But she wasn't there to glorify GOD. She was there to entertain!"  If we do ANYTHING  we are to "do [it] all in the name of the LORD JESUS, giving thanks through HIM to GOD the FATHER." (Colossians 3:17) I know that Paul was talking to believers here, but I have been reading so many blogs lately claiming that Lady Gaga is a Christian because "she believes in JESUS" and "she worshipped at [insert church name here]....", so if you claim to be a Christian then you must live like one. The end.

3. I.Just.Can't. get on board with anyone who sings "Born This Way". I can't in good conscience ever love a performance by someone who claims that they are a sinner because my GOD created them that way and "HE doesn't make mistakes". While I do believe that GOD creates all people, and we are ALL sinners, that is NOT what HE created us to be or where HE wants us to stay. HE does not desire that ANY should perish but that all should come to repentance. (2 Peter 3:9) HE doesn't desire for people to stay in sin or live in sin.....and that is exactly what her song promotes. Here are some lyrics "No matter gay, straight, or bi, Lesbian, transgendered life/I'm on the right track baby/". Why didn't she include abusive husbands/alcoholics/rapists/pedophiles/murderers? Weren't they all "born that way?" Aren't they "on the right track"? I feel the need to say this--because I guess so many people won't--but that isn't the right track.  It goes against everything that CHRIST died for, and it makes a mockery of my SAVIOR to say that HE wants people to live in sin. I cannot be entertained by that.   ***Sidenote----I am NOT saying GOD doesn't love us each and every one. I am saying GOD HATES sin and HE abhors the sinner--the person who knows they are in sin and continues in it. I know it isn't politically correct to teach on or speak about the wrath of GOD, but there is no other way to learn about the truth of HIS love without knowing about the truth of HIS wrath.

I am so glad she didn't say anything political.....however she has said much with just her lyrics and her stage presence, and I don't like what she has said with that. I don't like her message of empowerment. I certainly don't think this was the worst half-time show ever....it was better than others for various reasons, however I don't like that we have become a generation where the first use of the word "transgendered" at a half-time show means "Awesome entertainment". My heart breaks for the sin that we have allowed to overtake us, and we don't even bat an eye at it. We don't even see it as sin.

We embrace it.
We celebrate it.
We applaud it.
We call it AMAZING.
GOD is heartbroken.

I have children I am trying to raise to be modest, pure, CHRIST followers which may mean they will be outcasts by many, but I am ok with that as long as they are following what GOD has called them to do.