February 22, 2010


There are a lot of things I would like to blog about today, but the more I think about writing them down the more I am led to just post this prayer.  I stumbled upon this prayer by way of another blogger who commented on my post Jacob Aaron.  After reading her comment, I decided to check out her blog, and this poem was her post for the day.  It is written by Frederick Ohler, and it is entitled Awe-Full.  I read this and I was speechless, but I knew I needed to share it. The first person I shared it with was Ben and he said, "That is TERRIFIC!"  He then shared it in church. I have been thinking about the words to this prayer for a few days now and I really wanted to share it with you. I think Frederick nailed it when he wrote this:
Great and holy God
awe and reverence
fear and trembling
do not come easily to us
for we are not
Old Testament Jews
or Moses
or mystics
or sensitive enough.
Forgive us
for slouching into Your presence
with little expectation
and less awe
than we would eagerly give a visiting dignitary.
We need neither Jehovah nor a buddy-
neither "the Great and Powerful Oz" nor "the man upstairs."
Help us to want what we need...
and may the altar of our hearts
tremble with delight
at Your visitation.
-Frederick Ohler
The part that convicts me the most is: Forgive us for slouching into Your presence with little expectation and less awe than we would eagerly give a visiting dignitary.
WOW! How often do I slouch into God's presence?  Too often, I must admit. And with such little expectation.  Do I really expect God to do amazing things every day, or do I just pretend to expect it so that I won't feel "let down" if the amazing thing I was expecting Him to do doesn't happen?  All too often I just pretend to expect something and because of that I rob myself of the joy  of seeing the amazing things He does do every day.  I also give Satan more power in my life when I don't expect anything from God. Oh how this realization has made me cry out for forgiveness because I do believe that when we treat God with less respect than we would eagerly give to someone here on earth then that is a sin.  I pray that as you read this that you will let the Holy Spirit speak to you about the importance and respect you give to an Almighty, Holy, Jealous God who loves you so much that He gave His only Son for you so that you may be able to spend eternity with Him.

February 16, 2010

I'm Addicted!

To knitting, that is!  I have found that I look forward to the time in the evening that I can sit and knit while watching   listening to mindless TV with Ben after the kids have gone to bed. Since I finished the scarf, which was by far my longest (in more than one way!) project yet, I have made 2 dishcloths and a beanie hat for Benjamin.  
Here is the first thing I knitted with a "design" in it--a dishcloth that has already been gifted to someone and is now in use!
After I made this dishcloth, I was still a bit frustrated that it wasn't exactly square because that meant that I still wasn't getting my stitches the right size.  Ben assured me that it didn't matter on a dishcloth, but I still wanted to practice more before making something someone would have to wear.  The next dishcloth I made incorporated 2 colors of yarn--another new technique for me.
On this dishcloth, I was a full 2 inches off on my gauge....it was supposed to be 10 inches square and mine is 8 inches square. Also, if you look closely you can see a full row that has been doubled--obviously I lost count of what row I was on while listening to the mindless TV!  Nevertheless, I decided to venture out and TRY to knit a beanie hat for my baby boy. I followed the 6-9 month size pattern and I must say that when I finished it (it only took me about 4 hours total--2 nights) tonight and put it on his head I wanted to do a happy dance! I did get a high 5 from Ben, and I announced how proud of myself I am!!!

Here is my prize knitting creation --so far!
  And I must say that the baby that is wearing the hat is also one of my prize "creations"!  

February 12, 2010

This Is What Happens....

When you let a 7 year old girl fill out her own Valentine Cards:
I saw this and couldn't help but giggle!  I remember being 7 and having "fights" with my friends. I think it was at least once a week that I came home and told my Dad that Olivia wasn't my friend anymore.  Of course, she was--we were BEST FRIENDS, but we were girls! Every little thing could be made into a BIG deal!  I think it is funny to see my little girl acting the same way sometimes (not because I think it is funny for her to be ugly, but because I think it is funny that people aren't really that different), but when I read this note, I actually read:

"Don't worry...I haven't forgotten what you did to me, but I am going to be the bigger one here and say it's ok."  
Really?  What a Valentines Card...reminding someone that they hurt your feelings, but being sure to tell them it's ok too!  LOL  
Don't worry...we made a new one to give to her!

February 9, 2010

It Is Finished!

I finally finished my first knitted scarf.  It isn't as long as the pattern called for it to be, but I used the entire skein of yarn to get it the length that it is.  Annalisa loves it and wore it to school today. It is very thick and warm, so it was a good addition to her wardrobe this morning since it was 5 degrees outside!

February 7, 2010

Jacob Aaron

This post has been rattling around in my head for quite a while now.....several years really. I have been waiting for this milestone in Jacob's life to write about  his story our story.  I know that everyone has at least one story (or more) to tell, and we all have things that have changed us.  This is just one of my stories I have to share.

Ten years and 6 weeks ago I was admitted into the hospital when I was just 27 weeks pregnant with my 2nd child. I was the mother of a 16 month old boy, and I had a very rare condition known as polyhydramnios which means excessive amniotic fluid.  I had a very severe case of it, too.  When I was admitted I was dilated to 2 cm and my uterus measured 58 cm.  The doctors did an ultrasound when I arrived at LSUMC in Shreveport, and during the ultrasound I was told that my baby had Down's Syndrome.  We knew that the main causes for polyhydramnios were because the baby would have hydrocephalus, spina bifada, or Down's Syndrome.  It didn't matter to us though because we were going to have our baby no matter what.  One of the doctor's had suggested that we wait for test results that would let us know if anything was wrong with our baby so we could decide whether or not we wanted to terminate the pregnancy. It still makes me tear up to remember that conversation.
The first night I was in the hospital the doctors told me that if they couldn't stop my labor that my baby would be born early and would probably die. They also told me that if they tried to stop my labor by draining some of the amniotic fluid my baby could die--and it would be dangerous for me.  I was left laying and crying uncontrollably in a hospital bed trying to decide what the best choice would be for both me and my baby.  I had never had to make a more difficult choice in my life.  My mind was swamped with "what if's?"  
What if I choose to have the fluid drained so I can breathe easier, but it causes me to lose my baby?
What if I don't have the fluid drained and my contractions don't stop?  
What if my baby is born tonight and doesn't live because of a decision I made?
It is hard to be a mother.  It is draining to believe that you really have the power to change what could or would be.  I had to stop giving myself so much credit and remember that God is so much bigger than I am or any decision I could make. I had to remember that I was walking WITH HIM, not asking Him to walk with me.  There is a big difference.  I prayed alot, and the Holy Spirit spoke to me and reminded me that He had (and always has) great plans for me---even if they weren't the plans that I had expected.  I had to trust that no matter what happened, God would still be God. He would still be on His throne when it was all said and done. He would still love me, and He would carry me through anything that happened. He would still be my Rock and my Refuge. I then chose to have the fluid drained, and they took 3 liters of amniotic fluid from me that night.  The labor stopped and everything was fine.
I was in the hospital for 6 weeks after that during which time 15 liters of fluid was drained (3 liters at a time).  I also only got to see my Cole and Ben on the weekends.  Ben was working, going to school, and taking care of Cole all week long.  The doctors stopped me from having Jacob too early 3 times before I went into labor on the night of Feb. 6, 2000.  That time they couldn't stop it and early the next morning they started prepping me in case I would need to have a C-Section.  I will never forget laying in the bed relaxing (because I had an epidural!) during the contractions and listening to Jacob's heartbeat.  I heard it stop. It started again but was too slow. It didn't sound right.  I opened my eyes and looked at my mom who was trying not to look alarmed.  I asked her what happened, and she said the doctors were coming. They came running into the room to check me and immediately said I had to have Jacob right then. I was hemorrhaging and Jacob was in distress.  I remember telling my mom to get Ben (he was on the phone with his parents to tell them what was happening), and I was crying as I waved to him while they wheeled me away. I remember the doctor looking into my eyes as we walked down the hall. He said, "Your baby is going to be fine. You are going to be fine. You have been here so long, and  I am not going to let anything happen to you."  His words were comforting to me. I believed him.  Ben did get to come into the delivery room with me. That was good because I was crying and shaking uncontrollably.  The only thing going through my mind was Rich Mullin's song "Hold Me Jesus"....I was singing:
Hold me Jesus, cause I'm shaking like a leaf. You have been King of my glory; won't You be my Prince of Peace?
It was less than 10 minutes and they had Jacob out and were sewing me back up. They really work fast when there is an emergency.  The first thing they said was, "He's huge!"  You see, he was born at 33 weeks and babies at 33 weeks are usually about 3-4 lbs.  Jacob was 6 lbs 7 oz!  He had to go into the NICU because he was a preemie, but he never needed oxygen, and he was always able to maintain his temperature.  He did not have Down's Syndrome, hydrocephalus or spina bifada.  The only thing that they told us was wrong with him was that he didn't have any muscle tone in his arms and legs. When they would hold up his arms he would just drop them like a limp rag doll.  We were planning for how to deal with a child that wouldn't use his arms and legs when the doctors called us from the NICU one day and told us he had started using them! It was an answer to prayer and wonderful news.  He stayed in the NICU for 2 weeks before he could come home.  

Ever since he has been in our house he has been the one that makes us laugh when things get too serious. He is the one ready to help at the drop of a hat. He is the peacemaker when someone is not happy. He is the laid back kid that doesn't stress over the little things. He is a giver. He is my Jacob Aaron, and I am so happy that he is mine!  I have been blessed to be his mom for the past 10 years, and I can't wait for the next 10!
Happy Birthday, Jacob Aaron!!

February 6, 2010

Quote of the Day

This evening as we were eating supper I heard this:

Ben (to Annalisa)-- "I love your mom more than I love you."
Annalisa-- "Wait, what?"
Ben--"I love your mom more than I love you."
Annalisa (shrugging her shoulders and holding her hands up)--"How is that even possible?"

I guess she thinks pretty highly of herself!  That's ok....I think pretty highly of her too!

February 4, 2010

Getting Creative

I decided that I didn't want to go out and buy Valentine's Day cards for the kids to give to their classmates this year. I know it is only about $2.00 for a box of them, but I just wanted to make them at home.  After looking up hundreds of handmade Valentine cards I decided on the ones you see below. I got the idea from here: http://www.splitcoaststampers.com/gallery/photo/1598273?&si=kids%20valentines  so, as you can see I am not very creative on my own.  I did find my own clip art and use my own font style! Annalisa very much enjoyed putting them together so she could say that she made them.  It was also a fun time to spend with her in the afternoon.  I haven't done Jacob's yet, but they are going to be Transformer themed.  Of course, Cole isn't giving out Valentines this year. My baby boy is growing up!
Here are a few shots of the cards we made for Annalisa's class (if you click on the picture it will open it up larger so you can actually read the cards):  

Annalisa said the one in the middle that says "I dig you" is "just creepy"! LOL She said she CAN'T give that one to a boy! 

Here are some close-up shots of a couple:

I also took Jacob to the dermatologist today to get his hands and feet checked out. They are peeling (only the tips of his fingers--on the palm side) and the bottoms of his toes.  The dermatologist took one look at them and said he must have had a virus in the past few months. She said that is how your body reacts to a virus sometimes. So, once I thought about it I remembered that we had a 12 hour virus go through our house a couple of weeks before Christmas, and Jacob is the only one who never got sick....but I guess he did!  She said to give it a few months and it will go away, but in the meantime we can keep putting lots of lotion on it.  I was happy that he doesn't really have anything wrong with him and that he doesn't require any prescription creams or lotions.  He will be just fine!

And I will leave you with a sneak peek of the scarf I am working on--this is the one Jacob and Annalisa are fighting over. Cole said, "Jacob, are you a boy or a girl?"  Jacob looked at him like "what do you mean?"  Cole said, "that has more pink and purple in it than blue....and the blue that is in it is GIRLIE!"  In Jacob's defense, Ben said he would wear it!

February 3, 2010

Things That Make Me Smile

I am still working on my knitting, and I have completed a dishcloth! YAY! Another project completed always makes me happy.  I am happy with it even though it is riddled with mistakes throughout.  We have already been using it in the kitchen, and I must say it is a very strong dishcloth and much prettier than the ones you can buy at Wal-Mart.  Now I am working on a scarf that 2 of my children are fighting over to be their own!
Here is the dishcloth:
 This is the "back" side--although the design is perfectly reversible!

This is the "front" of the dishcloth: 
As you can tell, my work still needs work! I am still working on getting the stitches the same size so that my projects turn out the right size.  You can see that this dishcloth is not perfectly square, which really doesn't make any difference when washing dishes, but it is the very reason I haven't made a hat yet!  I will be working on one soon, though--Windy!!
I think the pictures and panoramas turned out pretty nice!

And one more thing that makes me smile.....listening to my kids play together. As Cole and Jacob were wrestling with each other last night I heard this:
"JACOB! You can't just jump on people's backs! You have to ease on!"
"I did!"
"No, you didn't! You weren't graceful like a gazelle....you were wreckless like a hippo!"